What a Blog of a Day

Today started as any of our other hospital days except Sascha and I weren't to come home tonight. So what went wrong?

We were packed and ready to go well before we needed to leave at 9am. Sascha slept beautifully in the car. We got a car park relatively easily and cruised into admittance right on 10. We then just had to keep the girl happy until her surgery at 2. There's heaps of toys in the waiting area and Craig and I were playing tag on keeping Sashi happy. We'd filled in all the forms and were ready to go. Unfortunately Prof David came in at 1.45 to tell us it was likely our surgery wouldn't happen. The surgery in the morning had turned out to be more difficult than thought and the neurologists were having some trouble. He told us to hang on for half an hour and he'd see what he could do.

An hour later Prof David came back with the good news that her surgery would be done. He was going to have a cup of tea while they cleaned the theatre and then we'd be in. He returned at 4 to say that it was definitely off. Talk about a roller coaster day! One of the cleft palates that had been repaired in the morning had begun to bleed so they, obviously, got priority on the theatre. The nurse in admittance took us to the day surgery ward and got Sashi some custard and formula as she hadn't eaten for eight hours by this stage.

And now we're home again watching mind numbing tv to try to take our minds off it all. We're hoping to get in next week as the theatre is free but they're short on intensive care beds so it's a bit unsure. The other problem with next Tuesday is that it's Huey's birthday. I think we'll move his birthday to Monday. He won't know the difference.

I'm hoping to get through the week with my sanity intact and without unpacking my hospital bag. The chances of either of these happening is pretty much nil!!!

What an Interesting Day

How many appointments can we fit on one day? Yesterday it turned out to be four!

Our morning began with a viewing of Huey's primary school and it looks good. He won't be going there for another year but it was great to hear that their teaching ethos closely follows mine. The school is pretty big, which worried me, but they do have a good reputation and the talk the assistant principal gave impressed me. It was a bit of a pity that we had to leave after an hour as we didn't actually get to see around the school but the afternoon was filled with Sascha!

So after the talk we dashed home to give Sashi a sleep and grab some lunch. I then ran Huon over to Ba's (translation- Grandma's) so we could concentrate on the girl.

Sascha had three appointments, all to do with her impending palate surgery.

The first appointment was with a Craniofacial Fellow. He quickly went through Sascha's surgery and what to expect post surgery. Sascha will be in hospital for four to five days. For the first couple of days she will have an IV in so they can easily administer morphine, when needed, and liquids, while she's not feeding properly. I didn't previously realise but she will have arm splints on not just in hospital but for a week after she comes home too. It's to stop her from damaging the surgery but I have the feeling she's not going to like it much. There is also a risk that the surgery won't quite work and that she will still have a small hole which would need to be fixed at some later date. When we saw Prof David David he said cleft looked quite easy to fix so, hopefully, we won't need to be back in surgery. That said there is also a risk that fixing the palate will stunt the growth of her upper jaw and she may need to have it broken and reset in her teens. Not a pleasant idea but one we'll face when the time comes.

Sascha's second appointment was to have photos taken for the surgery. It turned out to be incredibly easy with our little poser. Our only problem was finding the right room in the rabbit warren that is the Samuel Way building of the WCH.

We then had to run to Sascha's third appointment in Kent Town with the Craniofacial's ENT. After rushing to get there we were quite early and sat around in their nice waiting area. I even managed to read an article. The ENT was great. Craig failed the test of holding Sascha still during the examination so I got to lie on the dentist like chair and hold Sascha on my chest. In the end Sascha had cleared her own ears of the fluid that was sitting in them so no grommets are necessary. It's nice to find that we have avoided an unnecessary procedure, even if it's a minor one.

After her big day Sascha was tired and grumpy but, of course, she only fell asleep five minutes out from Craig's parents place. Huey woke her up when he came running out to greet us. We then spent a pleasant evening there. It's always nice to have dinner cooked for you.

After yesterday I am really ready for Sascha to have her surgery. I keep putting off jobs that need doing because so much of my brain space is taken up with it. I also just want to get it over and done with. I am worried about putting our happy healthy daughter through at least two weeks of strife even though I know it'll be better for her in the end. I was watching her laughing in the bath this morning thinking about bathing her in two weeks time. How long will it be before she's just sitting by herself in the bath playing again? I just don't know.

People quite often tell me that they don't know how we do it or that what we've been through is more than they could imagine. It's nice to hear as it gives me validation for the days when I'm feeling like it is all too much but don't sell yourselves short guys. All parents go through things they never thought they would have to cope with. From immunisations to our kids first broken heart we feel their pain and we get frustrated with the world for not seeing their frailties and beauty. As with everything kids go through all we can do is be there when they're hurt and offer support when they're willing to take it. Kids will always give parents a rough time. I guess that for the next four weeks it'll just be a bit concentrated for us.

Overexposed

Thankfully the Mums in the Window chapter has closed!! I did my stint then ran off to have lunch with my friends. I think I'd blocked it out in the lead up and, as such, the day finally arriving came as a bit of a shock. When I got to the shop I changed and had heels and feathers thrown at me. I was suddenly thrown in a window with a TV camera in my face. It was then all a blur of adrenaline and false confidence.

And how am I feeling about it now? In one way it was a fantastic success. I raised just over eight hundred dollars for the Women's and Children's Hospital and I'm just one of ten women who put their bodies on the line. I'm also sure sure a lot went into the tins outside the shop. There was so many people who put in hours to raise as much money as possible. It's always great to be a part of something that comes together like that.

But for me personally? The best way to describe it is it's like having an emotional hang over. It's that feeling you get the day after when you remember how over the top you were and you also remember everyone else remembers too. People keep telling me "wow, I can't believe you can do that", and they really do mean it in a good way. But the more I hear it the more I think "well if no one else would do it then it must be something abnormal therefore I am abnormal" and, to be perfectly truthful, the feeling of being abnormal, or more specifically subnormal, is something I've been struggling with most of my life. I have always tried to put on a persona that is acceptable. It's only very recently that I have found I can be honest to people about my own feelings and beliefs and to feel that these are valid.

I have talked to many people about this feeling of never being real and I've found it's not really a unique thing. I think we have a tendency toward multiple personalities. There's a you at home, a you for work and a you for Sunday bests. It just depends on your function at that point in time. In the end I think having confidence in yourself is also having confidence in your friendships. It is beyond difficult to have confidence in yourself when you have no peer acceptance. Everything comes down to knowing that your friends will see you as you really are and your true friends will still love you anyway.

As an atheist I'm going to end on a rock n roll prayer:

I'm just a soul who's intentions are good. Oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.

Lenses, Beans and Yogurt

We had a couple of appointments at the hospital today. Well Sascha did and we were kind of obliged to go along with her. Her first appointment was to have her lenses fitted and to teach us how to put them in. I think they're going to work well for her but the process to get them in and out is a bit distressing for her. She mainly doesn't like being wrapped really tight and held down but she probably doesn't like the whole having something shoved in her eye bit either. She could obviously see a lot better. She was smiling at everyone!!!

I then dropped the boys off in the playground and took Sascha to her dietitian. I basically had to admit to someone trained in healthy eating that the only things our daughter will eat are baked beans and yogurt. I try really hard to hide lots of other things in her mushed up beans but it has to have a good scoop of those lovely little things or she won't touch it. After so long of not wanting to eat anything I'm just going to humour her for a bit longer. The dietitian, luckily, understood. She said to keep mixing in veggies and some meat as often as possible. I'm going to finish with a classic mother's lament:

"Why won't my children just eat and sleep? It's not that hard!!!!"

If the Knickers Fit....

It's all organised and I'm just starting to get the inevitable butterflies. I went in to Eves Gift today to try on my "costume" for Saturday's viewing. For those of you who don't know I'm involved in a fund raiser for the WCH. My friends and family are sponsoring me to wear a skimpy nightie in the window of a boutique lingerie shop. It will be interesting to say the least.

It was difficult to find something in the shop that I was willing to wear and that wouldn't let the punters down. I have to show a bit of skin or all the lovely people who have sponsored me will be yelling "cop out" at me through the glass. On the other hand no one wants to see post pregnancy belly skin so I had to be prudent without be frigid, so to speak.

I think, on the day, I'll take a book. I then only have to look at those who tap on the window to get my attention. I'll take "The Consolations of Philosophy". It won't be the first time philosophy has been used as a buffer to help overcome moments of doubt and pure, unrefined fear.

It's the little moments

Well here's my first post! I'm an official blogger.

I'm sitting having a moment absolutely to myself. The girl is asleep and the boy's off at kindy. Give a girl a cup of tea, a moment alone and a computer and peace descends. Don't get me wrong I love my kids entirely and totally but, as any mother knows, silence is golden.

It'll be interesting, to me at least, to see how I deal with this modern medium. I have always wanted to see myself as a bit of a Susan Maushart and write little pithy pieces for The Australian Magazine defending feminism whilst also complaining about the trials of motherhood. I have never really read blogs. I've followed my friend's but that's about it so I have no clue as to where my blog will take us. Of course it will be informative whilst also being meaningful and entertaining (tongue firmly placed in cheek).

I am now heading off into blog world to write some background notes on our family. I think I'll start with the kids so in years to come they can look back at this and cringe at what their mother told the world.

Signing off for the first time,

Maddie